21 April, 2009

天生殺人狂 葉偉信

不喜歡做訪問,「你應該找明星。今日睇戲係睇明星,無人睇導演。當然我覺得導演是靈魂,但你不必看見靈魂,靈魂出竅即係見鬼。」

葉偉信,導演,自稱極端主義變態分子。極端主義:舊作《爆裂刑警》、《殺破狼》、剛上畫的《葉問》都訴說珍惜生命,偏偏自己最憎人類,搭地鐵身處人群當中,也覺得痛。

初中某年生日,準時十二點對天祝願:「希望我在這個世界上永遠徹底消失!」

看重友情親情,舊作《大城小事》便細水長流得要命,但夠膽死在同學的紀念冊上面寫:「其實我跟你並不是好朋友,也不合得來,我不明白也不認同你們說的所謂關心。再說,我與你們不會再見,不再是朋友……」

四十四歲,閱人不少,認為曾共患難才算朋友,信奉兩脅插刀酬知己,「同埋一齊學習,故稱同學;現在就算一起工作幾年,也只是同事。」

這個矛盾怎生解讀?「其實好簡單,愈珍惜生命,愈對生命有期望,便愈失望;愈想有朋友之間的信任,愈是得不到。」

因此導致變態:若有路人故意踩他鞋(足爭),他會毆打對方直至氣絕身亡——在他幻想中,「我另一方面太理智,想到要坐監,便不會行動。「我報復心好強,(幻想)對方一定要死,起碼也要屈斷他對腳;有人偷竊,我會拗斷他的手,總之一定要造成永久傷害。「我絕對是天生殺人狂。」

「 我拍戲,打工心態佔100%,事實真係打工。」(《蘋果日報》圖片)

《殺破狼》裡面,任達華生癌;《爆裂刑警》更毒,吳鎮宇患亨廷頓舞蹈症,逐漸喪失說話、行動、思考和吞咽的能力;《葉問》戲中,師傅排隊跟日軍比武,用性命換白米,用白米維持性命,但若失去性命,要米作甚?

故事必須從葉偉信兒時說起:父親肚痛求醫,醫生說是胃病而已,到後來發現是肝癌,已是末期,三個月後離世。因此探討珍惜生命?「可能對我有影響,我不知道,應該有。印象中爸爸只打過我一次,他給我的回憶都是好的,所以沒遺憾。」

學校生活才是遺憾,「我讀新亞中學,已經不算差學校,但有個先生在堂上明溝一名女生,特別高分,特別照顧。」這名老師下課前五分鐘掩上書本,站近門口,on your mark,set,鐘聲一響,衝落樓下飯堂霸位。班主任經過班房而不入,先吞雲吐霧一番,不算奇景,葉偉信到教員室罰企,見過一眾教師比賽鬥快抽完口煙。

國文老師原本八股嚴肅,一天上堂突然說:「哈哈哈,我又見到你,你又見到我……自修啦。」事後才知道他競逐國文科主任失敗,精神失常。

「我定下的價值觀:教人的人其身必須甚正,原來不用。」

自問遵守遊戲規則,「我是天秤座,好講公道,最憎人搞事,我不會搞砸你,但你也不要扮Q晒野!」

在愛民村長大,七、八十年代的屋村,少不了黑幫橫行無忌,他最反對入黑社會,「我咁講公平,最憎人搞亂秩序……除非你讓我做大佬。」

自問勤力讀書,中國文學可以由尾背上,就是不會考試,因此會考英文不合格,其他科目全軍盡E,「其實數學考得幾好,你俾個D我啦;又以為中史考得好,提早交卷,好巴閉……妖,又係E!」老師跟全班說:「不用理會這條廢柴!」

「我本來對人充滿希望,變成失望。」葉偉信說:「自此,人與人之間不信任,不喜歡交往,覺得人與人關係只是機緣巧合相遇,其實我好珍惜,想有好朋友,但投放太多,又驚……我充滿極端矛盾,做導演都是傻的。」

這天返回成長舊地愛民村。「人生沒意義,我遵守遊戲規則,盡做,目的是過埋餘下的日子,不要欠世界太多,也不要讓世界欠我太多,你唔好搞我,我唔好搞你。」

可惜我是天秤座天秤座典型性格:人不犯我我不犯人,人一犯我我就殺人,很難相信這種人拍得出《葉問》的民族大義捨己為人。

「我不搞人人不搞我,這需要正義支持,我好buy民族情義,因為日本人嚴重搞亂中國。如果我生於當時,會(才查)飛機撞向日本軍營,我死無所謂,但撞之前不能讓敵人射中。」

天生殺人狂又再發功:「我報復心好強,要雙倍奉還。我不是針對日本人,我根本憎恨人類,人類根本就是悲哀,沒有人就好,沒有世界就好。」

友人看罷《蝙蝠俠黑夜之神》,叫他一定要看:「小丑同你一模一樣,那些歪理!」「世界本來就亂,小丑只是讓它有機會重生,」葉說:「蝙蝠俠扮正義,所有漫畫英雄人物都係粉餅,我信《天生殺人狂》,我們都是怪獸,全體立法會議員都係怪獸!」

天秤座另一種性格:完美主義。《葉問》原本有一幕講述日軍攻入佛山,四十萬居民撤離,可惜製作費有限,拍不成,「我已經覺得這不是我的電影,完全沒有意義。」

在他眼中,只有兩種人的人生有意義:出世就有幾十億家底,或者天才,「我跟你都只是輔助性生存,世上氧氣太多,我們幫手吸一些,然後排放二氧化碳出來。」

又係小丑歪理?「我有道理:出名的運動都是天才;有人說有錢未必快樂,但只是你不懂得找,為何有錢不比沒錢著數?我真係解釋不到。」

有錢起碼拍得出四十萬人走難?「係。你不覺得人生沒意義嗎?起身食飯傾偈(目訓)覺,即使生活豐盛,最後也是雙腳一伸。」

已婚,但決不生兒育女,「我又沒有幾百億可以留下,累他們唔生唔死,最後搞到我,所以我斷絕父子情、父女情。老來怎病怎痛,總之有力爬到窗口,跳落街就是了,但要揀個好時段,不要砸到別人……但也要麻煩別人清理……最好跳海,沖得走。」

拍戲肯放手,「難道我什麼都識?你是否全才至此?只係你霸道至此。但人好衰,我指示晒,你話無癮,我不指示,你又不做,有時人係咁賤。」

都說他報復心強,仇視老師,所以後來拍了《誤人子弟》。

背後是《葉問》片段。「拍不到人海,我要做好多野救自己條命,拍其他畫面,不能讓部戲死,佢死即是我死。這部戲拍出來,我滿意。」

好彩我是天秤座校園生活夠慘了,加上喪父後失去經濟支柱,中五畢業便謀生,「找份不用學歷的工。」加入新藝城做場務,「總要找份工作有機會上進,做差人都望升職吧。我覺得這個圈的人……好廢。」

負責買飯盒,四十個人,他買了四十五個回來,因此讓人臭罵——罵他買得不夠,原來有人食一盒,再拿一盒只食(食送),遲來的人沒飯吃。葉偉信的天秤座個性爆發,大罵全體人員,「我最講公道,他們要多吃幾盒,早講啦,我買。有人無飯食,好老土!」

上司鄭則士見這個小伙子有種,提拔他當副導演。十年後坐正導演凳。 平均每年開一部戲,香港異數,「因為我負責任,叫好不如叫座。讚好其實不難,只要有心機拍,有些少獨特東西,怎會難睇?但要交代拍戲是商業行為,否則你便不是好導演。

「有些導演拍戲為了自瀆。自資拍戲,口碑好,我話你叻,但一定要票房不好,因為我要你承受自瀆的後果,精液滴在自己腳上。」

出身貧窮的人都懂得居安思危,他一出糧便貯起全年租金,「我怕明日沒戲拍。導演其實無野叻,唔拍戲就沒有生存技能。你知道現在有五十元剪髮?如果我識剪髮,三十元幫婆婆剪,甚至二十元;我做導演,難道說:『阿婆我幫你拍套野丫?』」黎明也信得過他,找他拍《大城小事》。(《蘋果日報》圖片)

真是天生殺人狂?「我無咁高成就,我只係神經病。死喇,你訪問了神經病人,路是自己揀的。」

遷就拍戲肯放手。很難相信完美主義容得下遷就,「因為我懶,吵一大輪,講埋粗口,我好憎,咁辛苦為了證明什麼?我又沒有這種滿足感。」貫徹的只有矛盾。

記者訪問過麥兆輝,他承認遷就大陸寫劇本,這天葉偉信附和,說得更盡:「梗係遷就大陸,梗係遷就香港;賣雲吞麵,梗係遷就食麵的人,難道遷就食屎的人?」

商業些說,大家有好處,有何問題?香港拍戲的老細只有幾個,黃生(黃百鳴)叫我拍,我為何抗拒?麼題材都拍得好。鹹片?你肯開我肯拍,我真係會,所以我年年有戲開。」

15 April, 2009

27 March, 2009

Mr. Justice M. Hartmann...what a life to write about

27.09.1999 South China Morning Post

Headline:Mr Justice Michael Hartmann tells Jane Moir of his passion for hiswork ... Insider finds in favour of paper trails

Two things strike you about insider dealing inquiries: the endless financial data verges on the tortuous, and the fluorescent strip lighting, white padded walls and lack of windows belong in a Kafka novel.

Anyone trying to convince you it is in fact a riveting experience to wade through the never-ending, intricate paper trail would invariably have a hard time. The present tribunal chairman, Mr Justice Michael Hartmann, did not. His career so far has included politically-charged legal battles, being arrested, refereeing bitter family dramas, sending rapists to jail and writing adventure novels.

You thus have to allow him credibility when he says of the insider dealing chair: "This is not in any way a dry job. This is a fascinating job."

The 55-year-old High Court judge is instantly likable. A one-time journalist, his conversation is lucid, candid, amusing and ultimately a rare change from the daily grind of business or lawyer-esque rhetoric. He also has an eventful past.

In his late teens, the judge worked as a reporter on the Sunday Mail in Zimbabwe. The writing side was enjoyable, but the intrusive nature of the job was unappealing: he was swayed to enter the legal fraternity instead. This went down well with his mother. However, his legal career in Africa took on a political twist when he represented two alleged saboteurs. The clients were members of the Zimbabwe air force charged with conspiring to blow up aircraft and destabilise the country. "It had a very political edge from the beginning," said Mr JusticeHartmann, who ended up being arrested himself. "The arrest originally was for political detention, but then they didn't actually take me for the detention," he said. "Then I was re-arrested later for contempt of court [for holding a press conference on the case]." The result was a small fine. "It was a very difficult one. We took legal advice before giving the press conference, so it wasn't a rash statement, but it was a very political time," he said.

During the case, Mr Justice Hartmann also became a witness. This involved testifying as to the torture marks on his clients: electric prods had been used on their spines. The clients walked free, but were later re-arrested for political reasons. International outcry saw them released eight to nine months later. The case over, discussions with government officials suggested he might want to consider his future elsewhere.

He came to Hong Kong. Starting off at the legal department in 1983 as crown counsel, he prosecuted the "run-of-the-mill" cases before working in the extradition unit. He was made a District Court judge in November 1991, most notably working in the family courts. "It's not work for everybody. I think it can be taxing emotionally. There are rarely any black and whites in family matters, and therefore it's often impossible to come to a perfect solution. You're hoping to do the best you can for troubled people." Child custody cases are obviously the hardest. "Judgment in its purest sense is required, and you know, no matter what, one loving parent is going to be hurt," Mr Justice Hartmann said. Ironically, the family court provided a commercial groundwork. By the time family disputes come to litigation, it becomes a "money court", he said. "Family law and financial law do run side by side. "I think what surprises you in family matters in Hong Kong - after urban lifestyle experiences elsewhere - in a very positive sense is the degree of complexity financially of people's lifestyles."Where I came from the average family had one current bank account and a building society mortgage. You had to move up several classes in the financial stakes before it really changed. Here, almost everybody has five to six bank accounts, and are playing the futures markets." Financial resolution in divorce matters could thus be tricky. The judge noted the "sense of pride Hong Kong people have, being highly sophisticated in monetary terms, certainly in divorce matters".

Last year, the judge was promoted to the High Court. His most memorable case is that of an alleged rape where the victim was deaf and dumb. She did not speak any classic sign language, so there were problems finding an interpreter."There was a lot of pre-trial argument as to whether anybody could properly interpret what she was saying," he said. She also could not write classic Chinese characters. Her evidence was given with the aid of dolls. Cases like this prompt the question: how does a judge reconcile his own conscience with such adversity?

"You are a judge of the law, you are not a judge of your own conscience.All you can do at the end of the day is administer the law," Mr Justice Hartmann said.

That same year, the judge took over the helm of the insider dealing tribunal. The body has had a rough ride, most notably from the era of Mr Justice David Yam who presided over the Paragon Holdings debacle. Revelations that the tribunal had taken evidence in secret, held clandestine meetings and asked tribunal counsel to ghost-write the report led to a legal furore. The findings were quashed by a judge and the report was banned from being made public. The Joseph Lau/Chinese Estates inquiry was Mr Justice Hartmann's first case."You certainly have to master the documents quickly. If not, you're going to be left behind," he said."Top rate" counsel and the role of the lay members of the tribunal were abonus, he said. "These are people who have volunteered their time. They arewell-versed in matters of trade and finance and banking; they are able to analyse theevidence much more quickly," the judge said. "They make it quite a joy, actually. I think the presence of lay members who are professionals in the relevant field adds credibility to the tribunal."

Ultimately, for the implicated parties, "they are being judged by their peers". The age-old dilemma of what exactly constitutes insider dealing was still manifest."It's sometimes a case of saying, `I can see through your ruse', it's often also a case of saying, `Yes, I can sympathise. Yes, I can understand that business people quite reasonably do act this way', so they see both sides of the story." Several lay members have mentioned to the judge that friends will approach them and ask their advice on whether a deal constitutes insider dealing."Friends put problems to them, what would you say about this and that?" he said. The judge takes this as an indication that the business community is becoming more educated as to the limits of trading in Hong Kong, and what they fear may become insider trading. "The concept of insider dealing is a fairly new concept," he emphasised."A concept like this is obviously going to have teething troubles. The fact of the matter is, the system works, matters are dealt with fairly . . ." If necessary, through the courts, as was seen with the Paragon case. "Other tribunals have probably been in existence so long that we forget that probably in their early days they had teething troubles too," Mr Justice Hartmann said.

While the US system of tackling insider trading was inherently criminal, in Hong Kong, "it's a civil wrong", he explained. "The problem often is that insider dealing, if it does exist, often arises out of a very complex set of facts." It also results in long, expensive cases. "I know it's been suggested the tribunal doesn't have any teeth. I think it has more than adequate teeth," the judge said. "Remember, it's the integrity of the business person at stake, first and foremost. If that's lost it can have a permanent effect on their business life, personal life." The tribunal also has the power to make someone pay costs, not to mention the profit and penalty."Put bluntly, it could cost you a lot of money and your reputation can be damaged, perhaps beyond repair." How then does he think the tribunal is perceived? "I think it's very difficult, if I can kind of go back to my family law thing and say often the husband's the last man to know," he said. The judge will regularly pose questions to witnesses during tribunal hearings, excusing himself for being "pedantic" when he seeks elaboration. He finds it fascinating. "I think it's really important that any credible financial centre can show that it has sophisticated, competent and fair mechanisms for regulating the market," the judge said. "For me, a success is if a matter has been competently dealt with, a just hearing has been given and a just outcome. It provides a degree of reassurance for the financial community." "So much of Hong Kong's vitality is based on its financial markets. It's so much part of the spirit and the kind of the gung-ho go-get of Hong Kong, that to be intimately involved with it and be learning about it and to help maintain its credibility as a highly efficient market, all of those things to me I think are superb."

If Mr Justice Hartmann was forced to do something else, he might return to writing adventure novels. The judge already has eight under his belt, four African-based, and four Asian adventures. "I like those stories where you put someone in an impossible situation, and he has to get out in an ethical way . . . one of those moral quandaries," hesaid. However, a legal-based adventure novel is not on the cards. "Then you have the difficulty, that if you then cut all the corners, your fellow professionals are going to read it and say, `You've been a lawyer for X amount of years: how could you possibly write this?' " the judge said.

Mr Justice Michael Hartmann was born in Bombay. He obtained his law degree from the University of London's external Rhodesia college and started work as an attorney in Zimbabwe in 1971. He also worked as a part-time lecturer in company law. Mr Justice Hartmann moved to Hong Kong in 1983 and has served as the insider dealing tribunal chairman since last year. He is married with a son and daughter and enjoys writing and tennis.

05 March, 2009

矛盾人生~葛琳卡

生命中充滿矛盾,人類最大的敵人就是自己。有時候,人好像在向前進,其實卻在阻擋自己而懵然不知,這一切往往不在自己的意識底下!

安全感

聖經中有一個比喻:有一個財主,田產豐收,憂慮沒有地方收藏,於是決定把倉房拆了,另蓋更大的,好收藏一切的糧食和財物。然後對自己的靈魂說:「靈魂哪!你有許多財物積存,可作多年的費用,只管安安逸逸的喫喝快樂罷!」然而神卻對他說:「無知的人哪!今晚必要你的靈魂!你所預備的,要歸誰呢?」(路12: 16-20)

原來世人為自己累積財寶,這安全感是如此虛空。財寶似乎很實在,可以操縱在自己手中,卻是一個假象,因為財富並不能拯救人離開死亡,不能給予人真正的安全感。愈富有的人,愈沒有安全感,他們恐怕失去財富,被人偷取或欺騙。

貧窮與富足在地上積財的人,在神面前並不富有,因為地上的財富阻擋人進入神的國;然而在地上貧窮的人,卻可能擁有天上的財寶。耶穌說:「一個人不能事奉兩個主,不是惡這個,愛那個,就是重這個,輕那個;你們不能又事奉神,又事奉瑪門。」(馬6:24)

聰明與愚拙

聰明與愚拙並不是絕對,聰明人有愚拙的一面,愚拙人也有聰明的一面。在社會上識事務者被視為聰明,卻因利用人去爭取自己的名利,而失去真誠的友誼,到頭來孤單寂寞。愚拙人不懂得爭名奪利,因而擁有真誠的友誼,生活充實。聖經中也提及自稱為聰明,反成為愚拙。因為聰明的雖然知道神,卻不當作神榮耀祂,也不感謝祂(參羅1:21-22)。人的自持聰明反成為他的愚拙,拒絕承認那位愛祂、為他犧牲的神。

自高與自卑

在心理學的理論中,自高與自卑都源自缺乏自信心,受損的自我形象,只是兩者用不同方法表達。自高的人要掩飾自卑,用誇大的方法抬高自己,讓自己表現出充滿自信;自卑的人是真誠的表達內在,有時甚至將自己表現得更差,以致不讓自己及別人失望。

就社會而論,自高表現比自卑的表現更勝一籌,莫論自高是真是假,充滿自信的表現更為人接受和信任。然而耶穌卻說:「你們中間誰為大,誰就要作你們的用人;凡自高的,必降為卑,自卑的,必升為高」(太23:11-12)。

自高也有另類的表現,用外在的謙卑去掩飾內在的自高。在神的國中,自高的掩飾阻擋人真實的承認自己的缺乏,接受神的恩典。真正的領袖不是用權勢欺壓別人,而是犧牲自己,扶助別人,以德服人,耶穌虛己來到世上,成為奴僕樣式,為要犧牲自己,拯救世人,然後復活,被升為高。

控制與安息

人在不安全的環境下,嘗試控制自己或身邊的人與事,以增加安全感,卻是越控制越不穩妥,因為他恐怕自己控制失誤,身邊的人與事不受他們管制,結果造成自己精神緊張,事與願違。要得到安穩的感覺,必須放下控制的慾望;在似乎很不安穩情況下,反而是進入安穩之匙!耶穌說:「凡勞苦擔重擔的人,可以到我這裡來,我就使你們得安息。」(太11:28)

生與死

人生最大的矛盾是似乎抓住生命,卻因而失去生命。耶穌說:「得著生命的,將要失喪生命;為我失喪生命的,將要得著生命」(太10:39)。生命之道莫過於接受賜予生命的神,而不是看自己為控制生命的主宰。放下主宰的位置,不再抓住自己的方法,而讓生命的真正主人進入。耶穌說:「我來了,是要叫人得生命,並且得的更豐盛」(約 10:10)。
「一粒麥子不落在地死了,仍舊是一粒,若是死了,就結出許多子粒來」(約12:24)。生命未經死,焉得生?死而復活的生命,才是真正的生命!

總結

有一位記者在夢中遇見上帝,便訪問了祂。以下總結了上帝對人矛盾的指述:

「人厭倦童年,急於長大。然後,又渴望返老還童。人犧牲健康賺取金錢,然後又犧牲金錢恢復健康。於是,人對未來充滿憂慮,但卻忘記現在;人既不活於現在之中,又不活於未來之中,人活於現在之中,又不活於未來之中,人活著好像永不死去,死去之後又好像絕未活過。」

危機心理~ 葛琳卡

美國九一一事件加速了世界經濟危機的浮現,亦劃破了生活安定繁榮的假象,震撼人心靈的深處,使人進入高度戒備狀態,強化危機意識,對前景缺乏信心,更導致經濟衰退,出現縮薪裁員,頓然間,生活面臨窘境,以前所擁有的一切,不再是理所當然了!

心理反應面對政局動盪和經濟低迷,不同的人有不同的心理反應。有一類人可以面對逆境,從困難中尋求出路,接納失去曾擁有的金錢、地位和生活型態,重新奮鬥。但是也有另一類人,不能面對失敗挫折,情緒低落,對前景悲觀,自我評價負面,因而怕面對別人所帶來的比較和羞愧感,於是孤立自己,更不願意尋求幫助。這二類人雖然面對一樣的外在環境,心理反應卻如此差異,其中原因何在?

心理架構每一個人都需要有一定的安全感,成長中透過外在環境的安全和所提供的支持,建立內在穩妥的心理架構,以致日後可以面對人生的風浪和動盪。就算遇到逆境,也能安然渡過。相反地,如果內在心理架構薄弱,再加外在不安的威脅,整個人頓然陷入高度危急的狀態,無法應對和繼續前進。甚至在更嚴重的狀況下,可以否認事實的發生,製造外在穩定的假象,減低不安的焦慮。需要一段更長的時間去慢慢接受現實。

危機中的「機」每一個的危機都會對人的內心產生一種威脅,使人醒覺自以為安全穩定的狀態並不正確,因而產生內在的動力去改善自我防衛的設施,減少因危機導致不安的情緒。年幼時所使用的自我防衛比較粗劣,例如否認事實,忘記問題存在或幻想奇蹟出現,這些都是製造一個穩定不變的假象。隨著年紀增長,思維繁雜化,透過思想,分析問題所在並進而尋求解決方法。隨而這個新的方法取替幼年粗劣的防衛。每一次的危機也會不斷改進現有的思維模式,漸漸變得更為健全,就如經一事長一智。每一個的危機也帶來一個改善的機會。

危機中的「危」相反地,高度的危機對一個不健全的防衛架構的衝擊,可能導致整個防衛系統的癱瘓,以致在極度不安之下,童年粗劣的自我防衛可能會再度浮現,保護內在心理不致崩潰。可是這個臨時的措施並不能真正去面對問題,只是暫時的緩衝。真正要解決的,是個人因危機導致對自己或別人的評語,例如因為經濟危機造成的被解僱,而引致認為自己是一個沒有用的人,這種自我評語造成無法接納自己是無用,因而在剎那認為自己是聽錯,不相信自己會被解僱。要面對這個問題,迫使人去面對自己無用的一面,怎樣協調真正自我的形象,以致更合乎事實的環境。又例如因九一一事件造成面對人性醜惡的一面,這個認知與現有對人的觀感形成很大的衝擊,因此,對人的信任起了很大的疑惑,一時間不知如何與人相處。這些都需要人對現存的觀念進行大型的改革,才能夠將事實溶入自己的世界而不致產生矛盾!其中的危險也是並非每一個人可以去面對和貫通,如果以往歷史太多的類似經驗而不能化解,這也可能造成更大的問題和障礙。

心靈的平安外在環境的不安,促使人更加尋求內在的安穩,如果內在心理架構並不鞏固,很容易使人產生焦慮不安的感覺,更加需要尋求倚靠,可是人的幫助是有限,只有神的能力才可以使人得到真正的平安。

神的應許和全能給予人一種心裡的力量,去抵抗外在的動盪不安,更加堅固內心不穩的架構,安然接納一些自己不能接受的事情,無論是面對自己的黑暗面或人罪性的一面,透過神無盡的愛和接納,擴闊了自己思維的層面,更加能夠接納自己和別人,你又是否願意接受此挑戰?

快樂的童話~葛琳卡

童話故事中的王子與公主,從此過著幸福快樂的生活,是每一個人所嚮往和憧惊的。迪士尼樂園是將這個人的鏗享往和渴求,轉化成為夢幻繽紛的幻彩世界中,給予人片刻的歡樂,一個短暫沉迷的盼望!

生命中的快樂何處去尋?有人從工作、成就、名譽、地位、金錢、物質、成功中去買回來,卻只能找到片刻的快樂、興奮和舒適的生活,真正持久的快樂卻不見影。從心理學的角度去理解,人的需要得到滿足,會有愉快的感受,MASLOW的理論指出人的五個層次的需要:生理、安全、歸屬感與愛、尊重、和自我實現。因此,擁有財富和成就,可以提供首兩層次生理和安全的需要,但是如果缺乏愛、尊重和自我實現,又難以滿足!

有很多人以為快樂是靠擁有屬於自己的家:一個愛自己的伴侶和天真可愛的兒女,但是也有些人仍然未能幸福快樂,因為自己不斷去批判自己,不能真正接納自己,也難於接納身邊的人,以致阻礙親密關係的發展,雖然有愛的條件,未能真正進入親密相愛的關係中!雖然擁有愛自己的人,卻不能感受或吸收愛,仍然活在痛苦中!

真正的快樂並不能夠靠擁有外在的條件,因為有一天,當你不再能夠擁有健康、財富、成就、婚姻、和兒女,就不再能夠快樂!每個人在人生階段中,都要去正視這個問題!當我們失去或恐懼失去了這些外在的元素,如何能夠仍然快樂?

心理學的理論指出人的快樂,不能只靠別人或外在因素而快樂,而是自己能夠擁有快樂的條件:

(一)能夠接納自己的限制和外在遭遇的不幸,而不去強求所不能或未能得到的外在條件;

(二)內心的安全感,以致能夠面對人生的得與失,而不致於經常處於惶恐會失去所擁有的人或東西,也不會因失去而鬱鬱不歡,失去人生的意義和動力;

(三)曾被愛以致能夠懂得愛自己及表達對別人的愛;

(四)健康的自我形象,以致有對自己尊重和接納,可以誠實面對自己,及不會曲解別人的動機和意思或對外在不幸遭遇負面的解釋;

(五)勇於面對自己的恐懼和自限,努力突破,找到自己的抱負,實踐自己的理想。

能夠擁有快樂的條件,是一生學習的功課,並非容易,並且如果有些條件在成長期,父母未能提供適當的幫助,成人後再去學習,更加困難!難道這世界只有短暫的快樂?

真正能夠發自內在永恆的快樂,聖經中稱之為「喜樂」,喜樂之源是來自於神,給予人平安喜樂的心:「我留下平安給你們,我將我的平安賜給你們。我所賜的,不像世人所賜的,你們心裏不要憂愁,也不要膽怯。」(約14:27)「這些事我已經對你們說了,是要叫我的喜樂存在你們的心裡,並叫你們的喜樂可以滿足。」(約15:11)

(一)耶穌所應許的平安喜樂,是不受外在環境變遷而失去的,保羅已經學會了這個祕訣:「我知道怎樣處卑賤,也知道作樣處豐富、或飽足或飢餓、或有餘、或缺乏,隨時隨在!我靠那加給我力量的,凡事都能作。」(腓4:11-13)神賜與我們作為祂兒女的權柄和能力,以致我們可以靠著祂,面對世上一切苦難和不幸,超越我們的限制和軟弱!

(二)除了給予能力去面對一切的困難外,神也會醫治我們過去的傷痛,祂的無條件的愛彌補我們內心的恐懼,以致我們可以肯定自己的價值,建立內心的安全感,不需要倚靠擁有的人或東西去肯定自己,也不再惶恐失去所擁有的。

(三)人可能從神的愛中去經歷完全被愛和接納的經歷,以致可以學習愛自己及別人,甚致因著祂的愛去寬恕曾經傷害自己的人和去愛一些不可愛的人!

(四)我們是藉著神的形象而造(創1:26)並且有尊貴的身份,「你叫他比天使微小一點,賜他榮耀尊貴為冠冕,並將你手所造的都派他管理。」(來2:7)所以,神的肯定和接納再一次扭正因過去創傷而成的錯誤的自我觀念,真理可以使人得自由(約8:32),不再被過去再綑綁。

(五)當我們神的愛中,可以找到真正的自己,不再恐懼(約一4:18),可以學習按著神給我們的恩賜和召命,可以將我們的潛質和理想靠著祂的能力,完全活出來!

總結而言,聖經形容這種的喜樂是源自於我們的內在,透過神的愛和能力,幫助我們可以坦然面對生命中的一切的遭遇,而仍能保持平安喜樂的心!這種真實不變的喜樂相信是我們每一個人生命所憧憬和追求的。

放下防衛,回復和諧關係 ~ 譚美怡(拉法基金組長)


情緒是天賦的禮物,若情感自由流通,有助人與人之間建立親密關係。心理防衛機制則是人內置的自我保護系統,以自動調節方式來幫助人適應外在環境對自己的影響,讓人可以暫時不用面對令自己很不舒服、痛苦或危險的情緒。可是,若長期用它來舒緩感受,而不去認真面對曾出現過的傷痛,恐怕會造成情緒及心理上更大的困擾。

六種常見的心理防衛機制:

1. 理智化(intellectualization)
在理解層面曲解不被接納的情緒,採用一些合宜的想法,取代真實感受的表達流露。例如丈夫怕妻子出外工作後會變得不聽話,於是以「女人應以家為重」的想法來包裝他的恐懼。

2. 移置(Displacement)
把對權威人士的負面情緒,轉移向較安全的人身上發洩。

3. 理由化(Rationalization)
以不真實的理由去解釋自己的行為,掩飾自己不被接納的感受。

4. 潛抑(Repression)
把危險及痛苦的情緒或思想從意識層中除去,例如一位信徒誤會「愛與恕」的定義,以為憤怒危害靈命,於是將之壓抑至意識不到的地步。

5. 投射(Projection)
你最難接納那種性格?你的答案就是你其中一項投射。在投射的防衞機制中,自己的情緒是不被意識的,因為當局者會把不被自己接納的感受或特質,投射出去對方身上。投射是心理防衛機制中較為複雜的一項,也相對在人際關係中產生較大的負面影響。例如一位丈夫對他的太太蘊藏了不能表達的憤怒,於是便把自己的憤怒感受投射於太太身上,變成怕太太會對自己憤怒,最終使雙方關係表面化及形式化。

6. 否定(Denial)
不去意識不被接納的情緒,把曾做過不被接納的事完全忘記,不去承認,彷彿沒有發生過。

你較多用上述那些機制?若長期濫用心理防衛機制,會障阻情感的流通,影響人際關係、內在生命的和諧甚至令屬靈生命呆滯不前。讓它短期而恰當地自動調節,才是天父內置此機制的原意。放下不必要的防衛,除了指我們要願意接觸和了解自己的感受和傷痛,接納自己的真像,也要學習放下對人對神的錯誤投射。這樣,我們便能與神、與己及與人回復和諧關係,進而發展更親密的情誼。